Enjoy the Eclipse!

by Dead Selves

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    Dead Selves' debut LP Enjoy the Eclipse!, released independently to no acclaim. 5"x5" cardboard sleeve. Art by Dylan Wachman.

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1.
5055 01:30
You will walk to the end of your old neighborhood To try to come up with a backup plan You will run headlong into every way to cope You always thought that you'd be better than And before it really ends, if it ever really ends You'll write apologies you know you'd never mean Just to try to make amends And if you send them you'll hear nothing back, And then you'll really know You'll convince yourself the ones you love are hidden far away from you You'll spend your whole life mourning over people you meant nothing to And all the pretty little things you think that you might say, You'll find they don't mean anything
2.
I wandered towards the surface of the moon Ain’t it funny how caution can be concrete in your shoes? I could’ve sworn my skin was heavy and a little too exposed When I saw you in that shadow singing lullabies alone I thought I heard Something more than words Like you could shout it here for years And never quite feel heard This weight will all be lifted We will float above the ground We will hold our hands And never ever come back down Could you ever come back? Would it feel like growth Dodging lonely calls from further up the coast I know your name, and I miss you, and I feel lost but I feel wistful At the thought of wandering, moonlight-bound, and finding you in town I thought that I had cracked Every perfect tooth And made my whole self ugly To hide the ugly truth I thought that I would suffocate I thought that I would be undone But I’ll keep coming back If that’s what you want I hope it’s what you want I don't wanna go I don't wanna go
3.
Charcoal 03:14
There’s a hole in the sky, all the fabric around it’s in tatters There’s a hole in the sky where the moon’s supposed to be I always said if you wanted then I would write you letters But a handwritten letter’s the last thing that you need Oh, if I could take you anywhere I’d take you far away from here If far from here is where you’d want to go I have loved you the most with your eyes on a light in the distance I have loved you in moments that felt like forgetting to breathe There’s a chain in my ribs, with each step you are pulling against it I never said you couldn’t go, but I never thought you’d go without me Oh, if I could take you anywhere I’d take you far away from here If far from here is where you’d want to go I would ask you what you really mean When you say you’d give up everything But I’m not sure I really want to know I used to tell my friends I loved you Or that the drugs meant I could never really love you And I suppose it would be kinder To try to figure out which one is true
4.
My name is Sarah and tonight I’m 24 I haven’t eaten since the weekend and I’m not sure what I came here for I didn’t mean to come alone, I’ve got a girl at home She says she does her best but my best friend Amy says that she should treat me better I might keep waiting tables for a year Before I tear out of my skin and leave a trail of blood away from here I might move into the city, try to find something I’d be better at My name is Sarah and tonight I’m 25 It’s like I’ve ground my teeth to bottle caps but I’m glad that I’m alive Since Anna left I’ve watched the doors and walked on empty floors No, I don’t want her back, I just wish that she would miss me more If everything I wanted was a house I’d tell you what it meant to me and you’d watch me burn it down But this time next year I won’t be around I took all of the reasons I should stay Wrote them in the sinking sand and watched them wash away But this time next year everyone will say
5.
The cracks in your basement Were spreading and spreading now You told everyone not to drive through the snow That they should just stay home You thought about drowning your toaster in the bath Just to feel yourself fry But you weren’t quite certain the cord would reach And you were too embarrassed to try That winter you went to Detroit ‘Cause you wanted to see a ghost You tried for the courage to swim to Lake Erie You wanted to freeze but were scared of the cold We all want to die before the summer When we feel like we’ve got an excuse We don’t all of us still have a reason to live But we’ve all got a few things to prove All the drugs that they gave you You’ll pretend you’ve forgotten them And leave them unopened Like cards in your cabinets If one of us works up the nerve When one of us is finally gone We’ll scatter like ash and collect in the corners Pretend that we couldn’t have known You always thought it didn’t matter where you go to Just as long as you’re going away Some things we mean, some things we just Always meant to say All the maps that they gave you You’ll pretend you’ve forgotten them And leave them unopened Like cards in your cabinets But if the seasons ever change again If the Earth ever tilts You’re gonna charge out of here like an animal You’ve got such big, big plans
6.
Hang Me Out 01:50
You’re gonna drop me from your arms You’re gonna drop me like a baby from your arms And on the ground I’ll stay ‘til someone better finds me You’re gonna hang me out to dry You’re gonna hang me with my stains facing outside But I won’t tell no one where the colors came from You said I wasn’t any fun But what’s so fun about the metal of your handcuffs The cuts around my wrists, I didn’t ask for them The seven calls I missed, I can’t come over anymore You said you’d kill me if I left, I should’ve known better If somebody says that they can’t live without you You owe it to the both of you to know it isn’t true It’s hard enough to want but never hard enough to need You can’t keep starving in the desert until both of you agree That really, after all, you might be better off alone I’m gonna dive into the sun I’m gonna count it like a star and find a better one And as I’m burning up you’ll wonder where I’ve gone to now
7.
We spent the night deciding what we’d fit in the backseat What the neighbors might could use, and what we’d leave out on the street We could’ve slept an hour more, or maybe two or three before we hit the road But we could almost stretch our arms across the interstate, And we had places still to go We turned left to pass the high school where your friend had almost gone Before she left for California where she still lives with her Mom You mentioned how the letters dwindled in the year or so after she went away And you wondered how you could love somebody so much With nothing left to say By the fountain where we met before the city tore it down We stopped to find our names carved in the bricks there on the ground It was worth all of the scratches on our bare feet to know we still had something left At least until the city sent construction crews To make itself forget At the red light by the railroad, just inside the county lines I searched the empty asphalt for something like a sign, Wished that I had kept all of the loose change I’d scattered on the tracks But the sun will be above us by the state line And we’re never coming back
8.
Bootleg Girl 02:19
This doesn’t have to be sentimental, no Only stay if you want to I’m giving you this out, so a year from now Don’t ask me what’s between my legs I’ve been choking vomit back Every time I’ve lied to you But when I spun in the dress I stole I just felt so beautiful And it was better not to lie It was better to survive So they can justify it how they like That’s not my fucking name It shouldn’t be so hard It shouldn’t be so hard Can you see my hands shake? Am I close enough to whisper? If you trace my lips by lamplight, am I feminine? What shape would yield a higher diction? I am more than death by pronoun, A name with fewer jagged sounds I am not born of syringe alone - And it’s better not to lie It’s better to survive So they can justify it how they like That’s not my fucking name It shouldn’t be so hard It shouldn’t be so hard
9.
I could make my body small I could learn to speak again I could start from scratch if you only asked me to I could buy me a metal cage and live inside I wouldn’t even try to slip out through the bars If that’s what you wanted But, if it means anything, you know I Would’ve given everything If I could keep us just the way we are Rejoice, rejoice, we found it! And we never have to go outside again No we don’t have to see the sun I think we’d fit through the window if there was a fire I think I’d rather stay inside And sit on the floor even if I had to burn But if it means anything You know I would’ve given everything To keep us from having to go out where it’s warm
10.
When the justice comes You will pick out all your stitches just to try to heal in spite of it You will fumble at your ribcage just to find out what’s inside of it But how free, how free, how free are you gonna be When the justice comes When all the nooses can’t quite make themselves go tight Let there be some peace there in the slack The cracks that stumble drunk all down the sidewalk Let them think to double back And all the roads that take us where we need to go Let them be short, and in the seconds in between Let’s trace symbols in our seats that only we know what they mean When we tell the ones who love us our new names Like a signature we’ve picked, let them pick it up And see it as a gift And when we find another skin sitting just above The flesh that we’ve been scratching at, let us feel like We could maybe start again Let us feel like we could maybe start again Maybe we could take some time to figure out what all this means Maybe we could take a day or maybe two or three But by the end of the summer we’d better know damned well Just who we’re gonna be Maybe we could kiss the neighborhood boys And when we’re done with all their lips Just this once they won’t pretend that they forget And when they tell themselves the truth Find a better skin, too Maybe all our scattered flesh might just be whole again If against the odds we make it through intact Will we live covered like a scar, like we were always gonna be Just who we are Or if we leave ourselves exposed, naked in the cold Will it matter what our names were Will it matter who we told And if justice comes on heavy like the sun Will we burn up at the sight of it, will we burn up at the sight of it Will we burn up at the sight until we’re gone?

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released September 21, 2018

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