1. |
5055
01:30
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You will walk to the end of your old neighborhood
To try to come up with a backup plan
You will run headlong into every way to cope
You always thought that you'd be better than
And before it really ends, if it ever really ends
You'll write apologies you know you'd never mean
Just to try to make amends
And if you send them you'll hear nothing back,
And then you'll really know
You'll convince yourself the ones you love are hidden far away from you
You'll spend your whole life mourning over people you meant nothing to
And all the pretty little things you think that you might say,
You'll find they don't mean anything
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2. |
Alive at Last
03:24
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I wandered towards the surface of the moon
Ain’t it funny how caution can be concrete in your shoes?
I could’ve sworn my skin was heavy and a little too exposed
When I saw you in that shadow singing lullabies alone
I thought I heard
Something more than words
Like you could shout it here for years
And never quite feel heard
This weight will all be lifted
We will float above the ground
We will hold our hands
And never ever come back down
Could you ever come back? Would it feel like growth
Dodging lonely calls from further up the coast
I know your name, and I miss you, and I feel lost but I feel wistful
At the thought of wandering, moonlight-bound, and finding you in town
I thought that I had cracked
Every perfect tooth
And made my whole self ugly
To hide the ugly truth
I thought that I would suffocate
I thought that I would be undone
But I’ll keep coming back
If that’s what you want
I hope it’s what you want
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna go
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3. |
Charcoal
03:14
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There’s a hole in the sky, all the fabric around it’s in tatters
There’s a hole in the sky where the moon’s supposed to be
I always said if you wanted then I would write you letters
But a handwritten letter’s the last thing that you need
Oh, if I could take you anywhere
I’d take you far away from here
If far from here is where you’d want to go
I have loved you the most with your eyes on a light in the distance
I have loved you in moments that felt like forgetting to breathe
There’s a chain in my ribs, with each step you are pulling against it
I never said you couldn’t go, but I never thought you’d go without me
Oh, if I could take you anywhere
I’d take you far away from here
If far from here is where you’d want to go
I would ask you what you really mean
When you say you’d give up everything
But I’m not sure I really want to know
I used to tell my friends I loved you
Or that the drugs meant I could never really love you
And I suppose it would be kinder
To try to figure out which one is true
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4. |
Tonight I'm 24
02:13
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My name is Sarah and tonight I’m 24
I haven’t eaten since the weekend and I’m not sure what I came here for
I didn’t mean to come alone, I’ve got a girl at home
She says she does her best but my best friend Amy says that she should treat me better
I might keep waiting tables for a year
Before I tear out of my skin and leave a trail of blood away from here
I might move into the city, try to find something I’d be better at
My name is Sarah and tonight I’m 25
It’s like I’ve ground my teeth to bottle caps but I’m glad that I’m alive
Since Anna left I’ve watched the doors and walked on empty floors
No, I don’t want her back, I just wish that she would miss me more
If everything I wanted was a house
I’d tell you what it meant to me and you’d watch me burn it down
But this time next year I won’t be around
I took all of the reasons I should stay
Wrote them in the sinking sand and watched them wash away
But this time next year everyone will say
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5. |
Tell the Truth
03:50
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The cracks in your basement
Were spreading and spreading now
You told everyone not to drive through the snow
That they should just stay home
You thought about drowning your toaster in the bath
Just to feel yourself fry
But you weren’t quite certain the cord would reach
And you were too embarrassed to try
That winter you went to Detroit
‘Cause you wanted to see a ghost
You tried for the courage to swim to Lake Erie
You wanted to freeze but were scared of the cold
We all want to die before the summer
When we feel like we’ve got an excuse
We don’t all of us still have a reason to live
But we’ve all got a few things to prove
All the drugs that they gave you
You’ll pretend you’ve forgotten them
And leave them unopened
Like cards in your cabinets
If one of us works up the nerve
When one of us is finally gone
We’ll scatter like ash and collect in the corners
Pretend that we couldn’t have known
You always thought it didn’t matter where you go to
Just as long as you’re going away
Some things we mean, some things we just
Always meant to say
All the maps that they gave you
You’ll pretend you’ve forgotten them
And leave them unopened
Like cards in your cabinets
But if the seasons ever change again
If the Earth ever tilts
You’re gonna charge out of here like an animal
You’ve got such big, big plans
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6. |
Hang Me Out
01:50
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You’re gonna drop me from your arms
You’re gonna drop me like a baby from your arms
And on the ground I’ll stay ‘til someone better finds me
You’re gonna hang me out to dry
You’re gonna hang me with my stains facing outside
But I won’t tell no one where the colors came from
You said I wasn’t any fun
But what’s so fun about the metal of your handcuffs
The cuts around my wrists, I didn’t ask for them
The seven calls I missed, I can’t come over anymore
You said you’d kill me if I left, I should’ve known better
If somebody says that they can’t live without you
You owe it to the both of you to know it isn’t true
It’s hard enough to want but never hard enough to need
You can’t keep starving in the desert until both of you agree
That really, after all, you might be better off alone
I’m gonna dive into the sun
I’m gonna count it like a star and find a better one
And as I’m burning up you’ll wonder where I’ve gone to now
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7. |
72 in Charlotte
03:57
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We spent the night deciding what we’d fit in the backseat
What the neighbors might could use, and what we’d leave out on the street
We could’ve slept an hour more, or maybe two or three before we hit the road
But we could almost stretch our arms across the interstate,
And we had places still to go
We turned left to pass the high school where your friend had almost gone
Before she left for California where she still lives with her Mom
You mentioned how the letters dwindled in the year or so after she went away
And you wondered how you could love somebody so much
With nothing left to say
By the fountain where we met before the city tore it down
We stopped to find our names carved in the bricks there on the ground
It was worth all of the scratches on our bare feet to know we still had something left
At least until the city sent construction crews
To make itself forget
At the red light by the railroad, just inside the county lines
I searched the empty asphalt for something like a sign,
Wished that I had kept all of the loose change I’d scattered on the tracks
But the sun will be above us by the state line
And we’re never coming back
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8. |
Bootleg Girl
02:19
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This doesn’t have to be sentimental, no
Only stay if you want to
I’m giving you this out, so a year from now
Don’t ask me what’s between my legs
I’ve been choking vomit back
Every time I’ve lied to you
But when I spun in the dress I stole
I just felt so beautiful
And it was better not to lie
It was better to survive
So they can justify it how they like
That’s not my fucking name
It shouldn’t be so hard
It shouldn’t be so hard
Can you see my hands shake?
Am I close enough to whisper?
If you trace my lips by lamplight, am I feminine?
What shape would yield a higher diction?
I am more than death by pronoun,
A name with fewer jagged sounds
I am not born of syringe alone
-
And it’s better not to lie
It’s better to survive
So they can justify it how they like
That’s not my fucking name
It shouldn’t be so hard
It shouldn’t be so hard
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9. |
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I could make my body small
I could learn to speak again
I could start from scratch if you only asked me to
I could buy me a metal cage and live inside
I wouldn’t even try to slip out through the bars
If that’s what you wanted
But, if it means anything, you know I
Would’ve given everything
If I could keep us just the way we are
Rejoice, rejoice, we found it!
And we never have to go outside again
No we don’t have to see the sun
I think we’d fit through the window if there was a fire
I think I’d rather stay inside
And sit on the floor even if I had to burn
But if it means anything
You know I would’ve given everything
To keep us from having to go out where it’s warm
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10. |
When the Justice Comes
04:27
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When the justice comes
You will pick out all your stitches just to try to heal in spite of it
You will fumble at your ribcage just to find out what’s inside of it
But how free, how free, how free are you gonna be
When the justice comes
When all the nooses can’t quite make themselves go tight
Let there be some peace there in the slack
The cracks that stumble drunk all down the sidewalk
Let them think to double back
And all the roads that take us where we need to go
Let them be short, and in the seconds in between
Let’s trace symbols in our seats that only we know what they mean
When we tell the ones who love us our new names
Like a signature we’ve picked, let them pick it up
And see it as a gift
And when we find another skin sitting just above
The flesh that we’ve been scratching at, let us feel like
We could maybe start again
Let us feel like we could maybe start again
Maybe we could take some time to figure out what all this means
Maybe we could take a day or maybe two or three
But by the end of the summer we’d better know damned well
Just who we’re gonna be
Maybe we could kiss the neighborhood boys
And when we’re done with all their lips
Just this once they won’t pretend that they forget
And when they tell themselves the truth
Find a better skin, too
Maybe all our scattered flesh might just be whole again
If against the odds we make it through intact
Will we live covered like a scar, like we were always gonna be
Just who we are
Or if we leave ourselves exposed, naked in the cold
Will it matter what our names were
Will it matter who we told
And if justice comes on heavy like the sun
Will we burn up at the sight of it, will we burn up at the sight of it
Will we burn up at the sight until we’re gone?
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